Long Weekend :: part 2 ::

What a dull weekend. Didn't exactly plan anything anyway. It was all started on Friday, I got to go home earlier at 3 o'clock *can't believe my luck*. Later that day, I met my brother at 7 and at 9 pm went to the gym with the girls. Granted, I had a lot of time between 3 and 7 pm, and actually planned a little self-indulgence time in Starbucks near apartment, but I ended up drinking instant hot cocoa instead *sigh* Why? So it was my quick decision that ruined everything. I thought it would be way more comfortable if I changed my clothes for something more casual, warmed myself a little in my apartment and grabbed a good book. The sky and the weather that day were just perfect, made me want to sketch too. Since I didn't bring my sketchbook, going home first made a good sense. Wrong decision. I should have just dashed to Starbucks, coz once I dropped my bag and curled up under the blanket I just knew instantly; no Starbucks for me. With the afternoon sunlight showered my room and crisp autumn breeze made its way in through a slightly opened balcony door, you tell me if there was really any way I could resist the temptation to take a quick nap. So that was the end of my little self-indulgence plan outside. When I think about it now, it was such a shame! I let it slip just like that. I could kill for weekdays-afternoon-Starbucks time now! Oh well, lesson learned.


~Nov 02, 03~
Continuing the previous post about my long weekend; on Sunday, didn't go anywhere in particular. Ow, me and ellen did grocery shopping tho, and I spent the entire day cooking for the next 4 days lunches. And finally, Nov 03. We went to Nobi san's house for a "GET" party. It was fun. Delicious food and we got to see a very beautiful night view from the balcony.

Maya Angelou :: A Letter to My Daughter

... It is my intent to say you may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. You will be changed, events will change you, but you have to decide not to be reduced.

~Maya Angelou (when interviewed by CNN)~

Long Weekend :: part 1 ::

Long weekend!!! cheers to that! libur 3 hari hehe, hmm liburan kali ini lumayan ada kegiatan. Sabtu seharian jalan, soale ada temen *haven't met before* dateng ke Jpn, so pada ngumpul di Shibuya bentar trus lanjut ke Ueno buat nyari coat. Abis itu malemnya si Rendy having belated b'day party di Nabezou Shinjuku. Capek banget seharian jalan, ampe Machida skitar jam 12-an malem. Photo menyusul di-upload klo dah dapet. Eh ya, hihi akhirnya gw makan Krispy Kreme Jpn jg *thanks to Stivan ~sering2 donk ^^~*

Oya oya, pertama kali liat bintang di Tokyo hihi, duh excuse me deh for being udik, but I do love watching stars tp disini hampir ga pernah nongol. Terakhir liat di Mount Fuji. Hmm yg kemaren ini sih cuman dikiiit banget but it's okay lah drpd kagak ada. Besok2nya tepar ampe ga ke gereja *again... duh do forgive me dear God* bangun sih bangun jam 8an tp badan rasanya pegel2 mana dingin pula kan. Malemnya maunya ke New Hope Church Sagamihara tp berhubung yg laen pada ke Mount Takao, ga pergi dah. Padahal dah janji mo dateng lagi hahaha

Hmm kemaren tuh bener2 ngerasa really weird. Tiap kali denger, I felt something like a big thump in my chest, bener2 di otak gw tuh rasanya mrk manggil the one person I knew. Mesti struggle buat ga fall apart lagi, to keep smiling. It's just plainly ridiculous, bener2 ga da hubungannya sama skali, I know. But even one common thing is enough to make me remember all stuffs again. Gosh, I'm being silly.

Regret?... Sort of

Lately, there seems to be more people from Yokogawa show up at Hachiouji. Really annoying *excruciating would be the exact word* It's not the people, mind you, it's.. well it's me! I envy them. Looking at their laptop with Yokogawa sign on it, all the software and applications that I'm *still* familiar with. For a split second the most stupid thought even crossed my mind, uh to apologize sincerely for quitting in the first place and to ask whether they have some tricks up their sleeves to get me back there. Pretty stupid huh?! Who whined months ago that she had enough? Who said repeatedly to herself that she deserved something better? And now when the chance is on the plate, am I going to throw it away just because the mere sight of ****ing company logo?? Hell no! Huahahaha so yeah, I made my choice two months ago and am gonna stick with it. But you see, even if I were to change my mind and beg my Eigyou-kata, I couldn't get my old job back that easily. Indeed, they made it pretty clear b'fore, no turning back, no stepping foot even in other division. So... I guess I should thank God for making this one way track only *grin* I ought to step forward no matter what.
But he's sitting in front of me now, a guy from Yokogawa. Typing ever so fast, and oh look at that label with an application name written on it... I KNOW THAT APP! That one's unmistakeably the last app I was working on before I walked out. Eww *wince*... as silly as it may sound, I MISS MY OLD JOB!!

:: Shikkari shite!!! ::

It's all 'bout Nature ::Painting::

:: Pine Forest ::

October 19, 2008
~Watercolor~

:: Daisies ::
October 19, 2008
~ Watercolor ~

It might just be true if I say "Battered, bruised daisies" wakkakaka
Okay a little story behind the daisies painting. I have this watercolor tutorial book and am at the "Negative Painting" chapter rite now. It has been long since I really wanted to make one myself but there was always another thing that took my attention. So, on Sunday morning while I was at it, reading through the particular chapter, I thought why shouldn't I try the technique? And the chaos began. Basically, so much a beginner myself in watercolor, I may need an art product called masking fluid that saves white. Just apply the product to area where you want to save the white. It's that easy. Spares you a lot of time and trouble also.

But you see, I said to myself; "Hey let's do this without one and see how it goes" and as a result, the finished negative-painting daisies is not what I expected *sob*

>> oh my... this is brilliant huahahahaha LMAO

So little money so many to buy

Okay, so I have this list of things I REALLY wanna buy, but... considering that three days ago I just bought winter jacket for a good 8k yen *quite a fortune for me sob*, I don't have the heart to spend even a penny. Ohh but I do love the jacket, I must say the jacket's well worth the price. Inge found it when we wandered around the Jorna mall and so we both came back on Monday night to get them with different color, mine is white and hers is black. It's a casual jacket *I want the formal one too ~groan~*


These are on my list:
1. Gossip Girl Novel (1-7)
2. No-heel boots
3. Formal coat

:: About the GG novels, I'm not sure yet, are they as good as the GG tv show? The last thing I want is for the novels to shatter the image I got from the show *isn't it the other way round? ... No, I watched the tv show first * hmm... okay, I think I can wait a couple months for the GG.

:: No. 2 on the list, no-heel dark brown leather boots. Now, that's pretty hard to resist. But I own 3 boots already, so uh-huh the boots can wait.

:: Ugh formal coat, I'm desperate for this one. So... should I??


~It's already Autumn, me love Autumn yet loathe it *sigh*~

S***** meeting *hmph*

Another Hachiouji branch meeting in Saturday *why??*
This time it was held in Kokubunji at 1:10 pm, but before that I had to show up earlier for medical check up. Know what, I got lost!! old story for me *sigh* The map they gave me? Well useless. I don't know how to read map, I just can't! Right there in front of the station, a map in one hand and a blank look on my face, I tried to figure out where I was on the map. After spending so much time standing.. looking to the left.. to the right.. eyes to the map.. to the street..to the left again... that was it! I gave up and asked a very kind policeman for direction. He, laughing, said that I had to rotate the map 90 degree to the left, then there you go, just followed the road! Oh okay, so I got it turned up-side down, great *how should I know?* and I had no more than 4 minutes left for medical check up appointment.

You know that Japanese are so damn nuts *please note: in a good way* about being on time right? So I freaked out, then... I got lost *yes yes I know, again* ended up asking for direction. I ran and... I met my Branch Manager, he said few things I nodded and I ran again! Gosh... I didn't salute him properly, oh well, screw him I then asked another person, past a tall building *I didnt know that THE building was the "it" building*, after a while decided to come back to the building, hesitantly went approaching a man wearing a doctor-like suits, and the first thing he said to me before I had a chance to open my mouth was this: "Medical check up? Please go inside, the room is in the basement." Eureka!! I found it! A huge grin on my face. But hmm.. this was written on the map: "Only 5 minutes walk from the Kokubunji station" and I was like, what, 20 minutes late?? Just great!

Travel Sketch ::Nikko::

::June 21, 2008::

::August 08, 2008::

Travel Sketch ::Enoshima::

Doesn't look like Enoshima tho... guess I still need practice *huge sigh*

Did the sketch in McD near Enoshima station while waiting for Rendy, Ria, Evan. Got to see cute jellyfish too.

Hong Kong oh Hong Kong

To tell you the truth, I'm so afraid of going on vacation to HK. Why?? Well... while it'd be nice having my friends with me traveling to other country, it's this hunch telling me that somewhat I'm not gonna get through the supposedly nice holiday in HK smoothly without getting reminded of what I couldn't get yet. And that only means one thing for me: Another cold, harsh poke in the wound.

I've been thinking about this since the idea of spending this year's Christmas in HK was first brought up. I'm thrilled yet scared, I couldn't wait, I really wanna go but at da same time hate every thought of days I'm gonna spend there. How is this possible?? Hmph I really miss the "senior high school me", the "college girl me". Uhhh how I swear to God, I wanna curse OUT LOUD!!! Which is sadly, something I cannot do ^o^v

Now tell me, if getting all sentimental *again!!* at Christmas - which is a time to celebrate, to be all happy and alive - is something you're looking for? No? Exactly. I'm doomed.

mighty to save

Love this song. On the night of the Passion World Tour, Louie Giglio told us a true story of a young girl whose life too screwed up she thought she had no place before God. But of course, nobody's forsaken by Him. She was saved. She walked with Jesus only for 3 months before she died. This song, Mighty to Save, is the first song she heard soon after she became a Christian. She went home and googled for the lyrics then wrote them in her diary.

Passion World Tour 2008 ::Tokyo::

Now, the second part of my weekend chronicle ^o^ On Sunday, Me, Evan and Belmond went to Shibuya, to the hall near Yoyogi Park. Passion World Tour 2008 was held there. Tokyo is their 15th stop. Here is the list of cities they visited: KYIV :: Stockholm :: Sao Paulo :: Kampala :: Paris :: London :: Manila :: Kuala Lumpur :: Jakarta :: Johannesburg :: Cape Town :: Mexico City :: Vancouver :: Seoul :: Tokyo. On October 16 they will rock Hong Kong and finally Sydney will end the tour.

I'm glad I came. So blessed. On top of that I'm so darn grateful I have a God whom I can call Father *sob sob*

Ow yesterday was my first time going to a concert. It was great. Will edit this post later and add some photos ^^

A retreat to Oarai

What a tiring long weekend! It began on Saturday when I joined a retreat to Oarai with my church community. I didn't sleep enough the night before and I had to be in Suidoubashi at 9 o'clock. So I literally had to drag myself out of bed at 7 o'clock to get ready. It takes 1 hour by train from Machida to Suidoubashi. Ohh how I longed to call my friends and tell them I wasn't going. I needed my sleep!!!! Well, somehow I made it on time. 9 o'clock sharp people!!! But guess what! I arrived there and only 20 people or so were there. 20 out of 60 people (more or less)!!! Where was everybody??? And the mystery was solved. My friend told me.

A friend:
>>"Didn't you know?"
Me:
>>"No, what?"
A friend:
>>"They told us to gather here at 9 o'clock so that everyone will be here at 10 o'clock, you know... given the Indonesian culture... rubber clock."
Me:
>>*speechless* "..... oh okay."
A friend:
>>"This way certainly it would stick to the schedule. The bus will be here at 10 o'clock and off we go to Oarai at exactly 11 o'clock"
Me:
>>"Well, I didn't know about that. It would be nice though to have a sleep for another hour."
A friend:
>>"Have you had your breakfast?"
Me:
>>*Show her a Choco Croissant bag* "I thought I wouldn't make it in time, so... no, I haven't had breakfast."

Oarai Station >> The diesel train

But the breathtaking view from the bus window along the way to Oarai made it up to my lack of sleep. It was stunningly beautiful. There were rice fields in every direction for as far as I could see which reminded me of Ubud a lot* Oh how I love Ubud T.T * Anyway, about the retreat, I had a few humiliating accidents *things happen ~grin~* but it was fun overall. I left earlier, on Sunday, coz we were planning the usual all-you-can-eat dinner for Edwin's birthday party.

::will be continued on the next post::

Made with love... part 2

Dunno what to write so I post the rest of my paintings.

October 2006
~ Oil on Canvas ~

I especially like the sky the most if it has a glint of yellow. I don't know... I just... love it.

~Oil on Canvas~

Mom's fave painting... * Gosh!! I forgot to sign it T.T *

Eat, Pray, Love

I've finished reading The Shack and I was running out of books! So I was roaming in kinokuniya shinjuku friday night, looking for new books and tadaa... Eat, Pray, Love!! When i read the review on the back, I caught a word "Bali", and that did it! I had to buy this book! *pardon this subjective, stupid thought ~grin~* That and the simple cover won me over.

While I admit I did buy this book solely bcoz the story took place in my beloved-beloved island, Bali, I must say this time I didn't regret buying a book based on compulsive act ^^ Ugh I still remember my past disappointment over one of Paulo Coelho's books.

Anyhow, I found the story to be familiar in its own way. I mean I believe you can relate yourself, friends, or someone you know more or less to the story, to the quest of finding the real joy. The book tells us about the author's seek of pleasure, God and the balance between the two after a harsh divorce. As you may well have guessed from the title, eat is about pleasure and she tried to find it in Italy eating lots of pastas, gelattos and pizza like a good Italian *comment: this is where i came to envy her!* The seek of God took place in India, in an ashram and... finally, she found balance between pleasure and God in ehm... behold... Bali.

The book itself is divided into 3 parts with each part tells a life she led in those 3 countries; Italy, India, and Indonesia. One more thing that I really like about this book is that Liz Gilbert wrote it with a lot of sense of humor. So while this is a book about a woman's pilgrimage, it's so much different than any other memoirs. I kinda expected to get a feeling similar to those when I read someone's "true story", but I didn't. I found myself laughing every now and then reading this book. It's entertaining and refreshing, though I started to get a little bored once I entered the India part, you know, with all the yoga talk. I'm not a Yogis and not interested to become one, so it pretty much explains why I can't really accept the philosophy (and the ritual... and the chanting... okay never mind). Overall, I LOVE this book.

Me the book addict

"Throwing a book in a trash is like throwing away a person"... Oprah

Well, I couldn't agree more with her. Think about how much effort author put into writing a book and it just feels so wrong to disrespect it.

Talking about books, Aren't you drooling over a wood-panelled library of your own? And I haven't even mentioned the cozy couch, maybe a fireplace and a good music... I could spend hours in there.


Aah maybe I will have my own painting studio too. The one that has a view to the garden and a huge french-style patio door huehehe *umm wait... it's a must!! my future house MUST HAVE those two rooms ^^ *

::photo courtesy of oprah.com::

Yokogawa farewell party

So yesterday was my last day working for Yokogawa. Me, Adachi-san, Hamada-san, Kikyouhara-san, and Manji-san had a ridiculously big portion of lunch in this lovely bricked-wall Italian restaurant. From Kikyouhara-san I learned that Endou-san, my branch manager, had said a few things about me. She overheard him saying that he was glad having me work with them. That was before I said I wanted to quit. Ugh... I didn't know then what to say. Of all people I worked with, he's the most unlikely person to say those things. And all of a sudden, I felt bad.

I guess we never know how human heart and feeling function, do we? I mean, there I was, completely eager to end the day and the next thing I felt was this I-wish-I-had-one-more-day-with-them kinda feeling. Geez! And the same thing happened today. Now that I've quit, instead of having a good mood I wake up and had this horrible.. horrible feeling. hhh I do wish I could go back home soon and start a new life somewhere hmm preferably australia ^^

Ow btw, I took picture with them after farewell party. It's only for 10 months thus, never been really good friends but somehow I miss them already. Wish you all a great success. You are my first colleagues... so you'd better be honoured with that very fact huahahaha

♪Let me introduce, Yokogawa Information System - YSL2 group! ♪

~Flower bouquet from my senpai~　　　
arigatou ne minna...

:: Getting cold here, the beginning of autumn. It's this season already... time goes by so fast indeed ::

Tuesdays with Morrie

A great book by Mitch Albom.

"What is it about silence that makes people uneasy?"... Morrie Schwartz

In God I trust

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.

John 14:1

taken from SOCIO Machida 301 (aka my room ^^) balcony

Made with love... part 1

"Paintings have a life of their own that derives from the painter's soul"... by Vincent van Gogh

December 2005
:: Painted this for my dad, as a gift. He likes orchid, and I could see that orchid is his passion ::
~Oil on canvas~

November 2005
~Oil on canvas~

August 24, 2008
:: Ever wonder how it feels like to fly? ::
~medium: watercolor~

August 02, 2008
~medium: watercolor~

Painting is just another way of keeping a diary... Pablo Picasso quoted.

Indeed, one painting is like one page from a diary. Pain, hope, tears and joy.. all of these are perfectly written on it.

Silently and secretly deciding to whom i want to dedicate my next painting is the only part i find most enticing. To paint while thinking about that person or basically anything you have in mind is so... i dont know, sacred?? *ugh nevermind, me and my weird thought again*

But sadly, it's a double-edged sword. i mean, i desperately want to create something with those brushes and color tubes and everything... but i don't feel IT, I don't feel the THING, it seems all wrong. Talk about bad vibes!! Driving me nuts.

a painting and a prayer... huh??

August 2008, 31. I painted that ^^

Are there moments you wish you could have back? To do it all over again? Well, i may say i do wish i did certain things differently. But it really doesn't matter anymore, right?! You need to work on the present not the past. It's crystal clear, the moment when someone said to me I have to be a better person.

♪　Dear God, i have a lot of work to do. I mean A LOT. Can i work hand in hand with You? It is You we're talking about, nothing's impossible right? I wanna change what needs to be changed so in the end, i'll be able to proudly say: I'm ready to give my best to the best person for me You have in mind. ♪

thank you

Since I will not be working in Shinjuku again next month – which is less than 3 weeks - I thought it would be nice to post something about people I met at work who - even though they didn't know it - have occasionally made my days especially in those darkest days ever in my whole life. In the list are Tsuda san and cleaning service oba san.

===============================
Disclaimer:
Of course, there are other people too, and not mentioning them in the list doesn't mean i intentionally reduced their significant kindness, but rather, it's simply due to the great amount of length this post would take if I were to write down all of 'em.
*hey me, cut it out already, jeez…* >.<
===============================

Now, where were we? Oh right, the list. Ookaayy, first on the list is our cleaning service lady. I met her months ago, when I still saw everything a dull gray. My first encounter with her happened when I went to the other room on the back to get myself a hot water for my coffee. I had never seen her before. Or so i thought. I guess I took everyone for granted before. Anyhow, she was there, cleaning the basin, and I just walked in and started filling my cup with hot water,
staring at it. Now that I recall it, maybe I did look like a complete idiot. At least I felt like I had been trampled and a huge "hopeless" was written on my face. It was so real at that time. That's being the reason or it's indeed her nature to be so warm towards other people that she stopped at what she was doing and looked at me straight in the eye, smiling and said this "What a cute
cup you have there." I had to fight back emotions that I'd been desperately locking deep inside so it didn't surface. After all I was in the office not in my own room. Hell that was hard.

I almost didnt believe it myself how just a small remark brought a surprisingly big impact on me. Okay, at this point you are allowed to roll your eyes and say “Oh honey, she was just being conversational and you got pumped up over nothing”. True, maybe I overreacted. But then again, considering the state I was in at that time... warmed my heart, alot.

..... ehm, let's move onto next person. Tsuda san.

As for Tsuda san *btw, he's around 60s*, just looking at him makes you wanna smile. He has certain quality in him that attracts people. When we reach office at the same time *which is so often*, he will make random short comments about almost everything. He's a blast! Given the fact that most of my colleagues here are living rocks and dont talk often, hearing his comments for the first time I was uncertain if he was actually talking to me..oh stupid me. Anyway, being my boss and all certainly doesn't draw him back. Way to go sir!

Do you believe that God sends his angels in the form of unlikely person to brighten our days? I do believe it now. I mean, there I were, completely drained, having nothing to hold onto, and I must admit to you, I felt a little suicidal *I know this might offend you, sorry, but I wanna be honest about it*, and at that particular time, these people just came to me, said a couple or two and zapped!! As simple a conversation as you could think of, amazingly it mattered like huge to me. You won't believe the effect those brief convs had on me. Other colors started to fill the picture, transparent at first but gradually increased their values.

What im trying to say is it's amazed me how even the smallest gesture of kindness and the slightest attention could bring a year worth of warmth. You will never know whose heart you touch simply by giving a smile. Let's do it whole heartedly friends!! ^^
*Gosh, I do feel like a million years old talking like this, oh well whatever wakkakaka*

Hell, I KNEW this would be a long post afterall.

no more, please!!

He came to the office today, eigyou-san. He chirped bullshit and I.. well I was like "whatever.. please take your time but I'm not going to change my mind". It really struck me. I was too naive to think that he'd let me resign easily. Telling me that it's harder now to find a new job and so on. Said that with a sympathetic face *sigh*. Still, I felt like he took a great joy in threatening me like that. Maybe he was saying the truth when he said that it is for my own sake, but I guess I've had enough of this already that I'll no longer allow myself to get carried away.

PS:
hey...
it's the same as before, I mean 6 months ago, when he told me about the contract. I told you how I felt back then remember? And now... wish I still could talk to you, but... you'd tell me not to quit, right?

wrong book

oiya oiya, mo crita, dulu kan sempet beli buku di kinokuniya, judged from the author and as suggested by many good reviews printed on the back cover, I thought it should be a terrific storyline like his other books were. Much to my disappointment, it turned out to be a real yawner. I was bored as hell when I read it and I didn't finish the book. My first record of not having finished reading a novel. The whole time I was reading that book I was like "Man, what are you trying to say? I don't get you. Is it me? Am I too dumb?" Yah kecewa sih, I mean he's one of my fave authors!! Love his books. Apparantly not the one I bought here. Yappari, Japan hahaha ga nyambung !#$"#&%

ps: Oh, the book is titled "Witch of Portobello" by Paulo Coelho.

uh-oh

eh lah kok??... piye toh?! why am I still assigned projects scheduled for September?? doh eigyou san gw.. looks like he hasn't dropped the bomb yet haha ya itu, pas kemaren lusa meeting, kaget aja, pas dikasi projects buat bulan ini, bulan besok ma bulan besoknya lagi. Hiks mana gw dikasi 3 solo projects pula, huhu I'm so sorry, such a dilemma. It never crossed my mind before, even the faintest idea that I would feel sorry like this. I mean, I've been counting day after day for Sep 3 to come, and finally when I'm getting near to it, I'm having this pretty much disturbing feeling.

Salah satu solo project yg diserahin ke gw, project yg pertama buat mrk. Blom ada org yg test tu application before. So it's kinda huge. Sebenernya gw uda dikasi projectnya berbulan2 yg lalu, pas march to be exact. Tp baru aja bikin test case-nya uda di-stop, soalnya ktnya mo direlease version baru jd drpd nge-test dua kali mending nunggu yg baru skalian. So it was stopped half way. Waktu itu, gw cuman jd supporting tester doank, jd cuman bantu2in senpai gw. Nah skrng, that halfway-stopped project itu diserahin ke gw. Seneng sih, soale itu kan like debut project buat mrk n it's a challenge too for me. Ga da sample test-nya gile, gw mesti bikin dr scratch. Berat sih tp drpd gw ngantuk hayo huahahha Tp sayang, project nya di-scheduled buat September hiks Buat bulan ini ma august, I've got my hands full hoorayy seneeng, jd ga sempet mikirin yg aneh2 bin ajaib.

Duh tp ya itu, klo gw masi dischedule-in buat sep, berarti mrk still have no clue whatsoever klo gw mau n harus cabut dr sono. Bener2 ga enak gw jadinya, yg paling gw takutin tuh klo nanti dipanggil trus ditanya2in hiks gimana doonk?? gw tuh paling ga bs di-confront kyk gitu. Klo isa milih sih maunya langsung cabut diem2, ga usa ngomong apa2 hahaha duh jd ya skrng gw tinggal pasrah nunggu dipanggil boss. Yg bikin gw kesel tuh si eigyou san napa ga kasitau mrk jauh2 hari coba. Kan at least mrk bs nyari org baru lg, trus ga usa repot2 bikin schedule buat gw hhh Tambah ga enak lagi ya itu td, mrk kyknya dah percaya ma gw, ampe dikasi banyak solo projects (including lead rapat2nya jg, I hate this part ngomong jpng aja masi belepotan lah ini disuru lead meetingnya *panic* ) I think I'll just have to face them when it comes.
If I think how am I gonna go through the upcoming months, it gives me chill literally. There's so much to give up and I don't think I'm ready yet. Kyk soal kerjaan. Takut aja, ntar klo mesti nunggu berbulan2 lg gmn? that and other things too. Ya tau sih tau klo those are for the better. tp iyaa klo better klo worse piye??? aaargh!!

Sounds simple for everyone else I guess, but yeah I'm different, I'm weird and I'm umm not proud of it *grunt* yaa coba klo gw bisa take it easy kyk org lain. Huaaa life would be soo much better.
uda nyoba sih tp ttp aja ga isa, ee bisa ding cuman dikit. Step by step kali yee Kadang suka iri ma org laen, contohnya klo soal kerjaan, segimana ga enaknya masi isa dibawa ketawa, trus ga dipikirin terus. lah gue, sekalinya ada masalah ja, mo mandi makan jalan2 tidur pun gue pikirin. hegh.. Eneg gua. I tend to overthink everything. Huh my nature. !#$%#!

random thought

no matter how I turned it around or dressed it up, the excuse offered still sounds a bit off to me. Hmmphh.. eva's wrath huahaha... (no, kidding)... but seriously, I don't buy it at all.
....................................................
you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't you? good...
as usual, a weird and stupid thought popped just like that.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

hey, been thinking lately, by the time I'm through here, in this !@#@!$%ing country Japan, I'm sure as hell I'll be too bushed to see straight let alone think!! So, I'm wondering whether I'll need to put my life on hold a couple of weeks and set off to a very much anticipated getaway, and perhaps I'll see then what I can do afterward.

Uganda, Kenya, and Ireland are what I have in mind right now. Wait... Uganda and Kenya?? Am I gradually losing my mind? Pretty much so I guess hahaha....
Teaching English to the locals in Uganda while spending my free time absorbing the I-believe-breathtaking views or taking care of HIV patients + teaching English in Kenya. Either way, Ireland will still mark the end of my traveling, hopefully, next year. For the time being, 65% goes to Kenya ^^

Can I actually go there? We'll see...
Part of the reasons why I'm considering volunteer traveling over ordinary traveling is bcoz I think I've been too hard on myself lately and a bit demanding - which is good on other case but unfortunately not on this one. I don't really appreciate what I have. The traveling thing came out from it, from my being ungrateful enough and I admit it. So I need to do something about this or else I'll end up being !@#@%*ed up. I hope by teaching and helping those who are less fortunate will somehow do me any good and miraculously shape my character a bit haha. By lending a hand, it will make me feel human again khukhu... *duh!! like I'm not human already??*

err...

Things that happened lately indirectly exposed me for the weak, spoiled, self-centered individual that I am. Many times had I spent my days feeling sorry for myself, unsatisfied with everything. It's from something inside and I need to get away from here and go somewhere else. TRAVELING!!! If everything goes well, if He says yes, then... 11 months left to freedom!!!

Often in the quiet hours of the night or during idle time of the day when the distractions slip away that I realize I have absolutely no control over things.

Few minutes ago, I looked up at the sky, people say there are few places in the world where stars shine brighter. Certainly not in Tokyo.

skagit valley

Haah~ I HAVE to go there! I can spend hours and hours just for watching those stunningly beautiful tulips ::excited::
And here I am, keying* this blog and smiling to myself. Can't help it!! Skagit Valley, I have to go there... I will say this over and over again hahaha.. I don't want to go alone tho, I wanna share the moment with someone I hold dear.. ::at that time ^^::
Have added Skagit Valley to my wish list.. Yosh!!

*well, hackers tend to use this term rather than using the word 'typing'. Hm no, i'm not a hacker. I don't even have the slightest idea of how to hack khukhu.. But there's this book by Jeffrey Denver, Blue Nowhere, and I loovvee this book. It's all about hacker's world. Read it if you have time. Highly recommended ^^

:: but hey, why do i bother explaining this? ::

a stunning view

You know that i hate my job, right? but there's one thing that i know I would miss badly if I stop working in shinjuku. Morning view, that is. Especially today. Just one block away from my office building, i was mesmerized by this particular building far away. An ancient, castle-like building. I didn't notice it before, or else, maybe i did see it but looks like it appeared as a mere building like any other building in shinjuku. So what makes it special today? Well, yesterday Tokyo had an all day shower. As for today, it's not raining, but we have a cloudy, "gloomy" sky. Very solemn haha And apparently, yesterday's weather and today's greyish sky added something to that building.
I saw a fog covering the top of the building, and black birds flying... hovering, also near the top. Can you believe it? With all the fog, greyish sky, black birds, it was almost like being transported to Transylvania and gazing at Dracula's castle itself *um okay.. exaggerating a bit ^^*
But yeah... that's what I thought when i saw it, but of course i had to throw the people around me out of the picture first hihi
hhh i wish i had my camera with me. That, certainly, would make a great picture.

:: back to work... sleepy ::

sleepless night

aarrghh panic mode!!! So today, at 1 o'clock, i have to do a presentation *in japanese... hiks* how am i supposed to do it? I'm not proud of my japanese skill. I rarely speak to my colleagues let alone explain something technical, and yet my senpai still want me to do it *sigh* guess i have no option. We'll see how it goes hahaha hope it's not a disaster since i don't really enjoy speaking in public ^^; goshh... now it's 3.50 am and i've already had all these butterflies inside ughh... PANIC!!! i thought about practicing yesterday, but a thought is a thought. Instead, watching movie was all i did up until now.. huaaa my bad!!

practice... practice...
ciao~
::damn sleepy::

a rare moment at tutoring

See I've been tutoring a 12-year-old boy named Michael for about 2 months now. He's half japanese half american. The thing with Mikey is, he's so unpredictable you just cannot let your guard down.　Da first time I met him, he was being all nice and sweet. A sheepish kind of attitude.　And I thought, "well, looks like I'm not gonna have a hard time with him. Let's see how our first lesson will be." And finally the first lesson itself. It was pretty much as I thought it was going to be, given the first impression of a really nice boy, he was easy to teach despite the lack of concentration...

Okay so now the second lesson. I started to change my mind a bit, the third lesson... I was like, "Jesus, please I beg You, if someday I have a son, don't let him be like Mikey." So not cute *I mean the attitude*. Well, he often drives me crazy but he knows for sure how to lift up my mood haha that lil jerk. If he senses something wrong with the way I talk, he is quick to ask for a short break and do a "21" game hahaha I do loovee~ that game. A math game by the way. So, in the end, even though he often shows some attitude and I get so stressed out in teaching him, I cannot really dislike him. The frenzy's going on for sure, but amidst all that, there's always one little moment that keeps my sanity intact hihi...

Having been through all lessons marked with little stress, there's no wonder I found the last session two days ago somewhat extraordinary. He asked me to watch him practicing for the exhibition night this Friday *wait... is it today??* He's been doing the research about chemicals for the past two weeks and I helped him on the power point. So yesterday he said, "eva, you don't have to do anything today, just sit and watch me!" I was like yeah, ookaayy... ^^. To be honest, I was touched when he asked me that. He said he waited for me to practice together *ooh Mikey~~* that alone was enough to brighten the rest of that day.
Then he did the presentation *soo damn cute hihi* if I were the teacher, I would gladly give him a perfect score just for being cute *giggle* He made me laugh and during the break he taught me weird dancing hoh so much fun!! He said as many as 100 people will come to the exhibition *wish him good luck*

The fact that he waited for me to do the presentation made me happy, but every now and then when I think of his mom, it is so heartbreaking. A couple of weeks ago, he showed me a jumbo deck he got as a reward for earning most points at school. It was obvious that I was the first person to be told the news. I mean, hey it wasn't like she wasn't at home before I got there. He told me right away the moment he saw me, but why didn't he tell her first?
He kept babbling 'bout it, looked real proud. So imagine if you were his mom and not being the first to know, that your son wasn't willing to eagerly tell you what happened at school... What exactly would you feel? A certain heartbreak if it is for me. So who is to be blamed? Mother or son? Oh but of course it is easy to be an observer. About the real hardship in having kids? Well... no idea. I just hope, when the time comes, I'm able to do it right.

bad day

ok let's see... I started the day by "gracefully" falling off the stairs, amidst the heavy rain... my pants were all wet, nice! Then, as if that wasn't enough already, my umbrella was broken. And the train itself! God.. today was unusually crowded. I could barely breathe. People had to REALLY squeeze their way out of train. I've been in one packed train before, but that was nothing compared to today's. Perfect you think? Hahaha... Wait! Just when I finally got to my seat, my senpai... !@#$% hhh she really got on my nerves. I guess being patience, humble and not easily angered is not that easy. Once you've determined to do so, there's always something happens that tests your patience. Oh dear.

Old flame

So tired. No matter how hard I try, that scar, it's still there. I'm still licking my wound. Guess it will stay there for quite a long time, geez. Can't help it, having an emotion breakdown and it happens over and over again. And you know what, the worst of it is that I cannot predict when that will strike me. I'm caught off-guard. Awful thought pops-up just like that, the tears keep coming out and I can only make one good point about it. It is easier to fall asleep hahaha I will eventually get tired and sleepy and off I go to the dreamland khukhukhu

ow btw, my brother finally made it ^^ yay~ great

:: Pray... keeps you strong ::

Cutest puppy... I want him

Yesterday we had a small party at my place. It was quite fun. I made okonomiyaki hahaha Here's the pic.
Me and ellen had okonomiyaki for our lunch two times in just 3 days. Kinda sick of it ^^ Oh and we tried to make tiramisu too with no success, of course ;p

On our way back from the station, I took a picture of the sweetest creature ever. There's this 'lil pink pet shop in machida, in front of Kaldi, a store that sells imported goods. Well, I saw the white puppy, really cute, adorable, he easily caught my attention and I just stared at him. We walked pass the pet shop on the way to the station, and I took a mental note to take a pic of him on my way back.

Broken wings

You know what, sometimes I wonder will my being faithful ever be paid off or not. It's so tiring, to face each day. God... how I want to laugh and smile like I used to. But I do believe You can heal me and mend my wings, no doubt *yoosshh^^*

They say, if things get worse and worse, give thanks and praise the Lord. If you're able to do that, then you are being humble before God. Can I? It is so hard to do that without questioning God. But then, who am I to question Him?

For today and tomorrow

for two people who mean a lot to me

**********************************
God blessings be with you always, in every step you take.
Grow wiser and be of a good courage and your heart shall be strengthened.
**********************************

Relaxing... doing nothing... sleepy...

Had i known today would be a day without doing literally anything, i would have prepared more. Really, everyone who isn't from outsourcing company, is attending meeting, from 10 to 11 am and another round from 1 pm till 5 pm! And there are only 4 of us from outsourcing company, so you can imagine we are sort of partying silently in the office hihi browsing freely... yeah! Wish i had some snacks... chipsss...

eva's wish list ^^

** jump from a helicopter **
THAT would be awesome! I've been wondering what it feels like to fly, and parachuting from a helicopter is the closest thing to flying that I can imagine. Of course there are other options too, say, handgliding, etc., but handgliding? Isn't it a lil too extreme? No? Well, it is for me ^^

** I wanna see stars from the beach **
Stars! Oh how I love starry night. When I see stars above, I can't think of anything else except people I love and care. It's like all things buzzing around in my head - no matter how trivial they are - are swept away. They are of no importance anymore. I've seen sky full of stars only twice. In Mount Batur, Bali and here in Japan (Mount Fuji). Those were the moment when I had nothing to complain about in life *only trivial things ^^* But now I'm afraid, the next time when I get a chance to spend a night watching stars, I would not be able to feel the same way again. That's why, this wish comes along with a great promise I shall receive. Well, I just have to wait and see. Once He's decided the right time, no matter who that person is, we'll go straight to the beach hahaha *hhh silly*

** Sketch everywhere I go **
Now that's the real fun. I've started taking pics of places I love the most and have strong impression with in Japan a month ago, sketch roughly and watercolor it. When I go to another country, I will do the same. A great way to add a personal taste to your trips *haiaahh what da...* But having accustomed to oil painting, watercolor is a struggle. I'm no good at it *sob* the same with sketching. I'm so helpless hahaha yosshh keep trying, I'm not giving up *that's the spirit!!! hihi* To be real honest, that's not the real issue here. I don't feel the same joy everytime I pick up the brush. Feel nothing. But it doesn't matter for me if I get no joy in return, I don't wanna lose what used to be my only passion in life. Besides, as I said, make my dull days here *haha* and my great future trips more personal. Hey that could be a good motto!

** Mediterranean Cruise **
Remember when I said I wanted to take cruise with my fam? Well, guess what! They gave the nod to the plan. Yayy!! All left is God's yes hahaha I will not know it until I really get on board with them. That's when I know He's opened a way, right?!

** Jerusalem **
Again, it's up to Him. Oh well, all my wishes are on His hand. What can I do except trusting Him?

** Learn pottery **
I want to try to make pottery. Hhh love to make something with my own hands ^^ Mainly because I can pour my emotion into whatever I make. For example, if I want to dedicate a painting to my dad, I choose the object he likes the most. When I paint, I think of him. *I did paint for my dad and mom. Orchid. I didn't tell them ^^* Even when I don't particularly do it for someone, I do it for myself. So, there's always emotion in it. This time, I want to express myself through pottery. Can hardly wait.

** Future cafe **
You know, there's this lil resto in Machida. Luce. It has a friendly atmosphere and very homey. I like being there. I've eaten there once. At that time, I said to him if I ever made my dream of having a cafe come true, I would like it to have the same atmosphere. People would feel like they are eating in their home. And you should see the toilet. Totally love it! So Sweet!!

Other wishes... let me keep them to myself. Between me and Jesus only hahaha
ciao ~

Posted right from da office

Today's da best day in office so far. There are only 6 of us, the rest are taking their day off including all my colleagues from the same group. Now that's the best part *tee hee* Um but I'm kinda lost. I've finished all tasks given to me days ago and now I have nothing to do. Despite that, I'm high spirited. Time's passing by slowly. And now I can put my mind to rest and just enjoy the cloudy sky. Yes, had an early shower this morning, and now the color of the sky is amazingly beautiful greyish-white. Calming. The sky after the rain is always beautiful.

During ordinary week days *by ordinary means approximately 23 people present ^^* I'm so low in spirit, my mind keeps working and no matter how beautiful the sky is I just can't appreciate it. It seems to me, the more beautiful the sky the sadder I would be. Lack of gratitude? Perhaps. But for me, this is the point where I don't like to be absorbed into my surrounding *eeh? what's the connection? haha* I want to lead my life with my own pace. If I want it fast, then I'll go fast, vice versa. It's the same with work. I'll finish my work before deadline, but let me do it my pace. I would love to have my hands full. Full enough so that no one can dictate and just give me freedom on what pace I should do my job. Depends on my mood hahaha as long as I have them finished before deadline it shouldn't be a problem, am I wrong?? hoho I'll slow down when I feel like it and I'll rush if my mood allows me too ^^. But I don't have that luxury here. Speaking of Japan, you would expect to be forced to finish any task fast. Well no! Not where I work. They keep giving me daily basis tasks. So I need to wait for them, in other words, I have to follow their pace. Hate it. *Ok, enough venting* I've promised days ago that I will not complain about my work again. Haha one last time.
...
We're going to church at Yotsuya. It's almost Easter.

*Day by day, it's easier although weekend is still a struggle*

saturday night

Had a small party, last Saturday until 2 o'clock in da morning, with inge, ellen, markus and dimas. We watched korean movie *no plot* ^^
I think I did well. Didn't screw up. Partly because I've reached the point where I practically feels nothing.

well yeah, it was fun. Hey see the pic! Ellen's new bed ^^

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Kasih itu sabar; kasih itu murah hati; ia tidak cemburu. Ia tidak memegahkan diri dan tidak sombong. Ia tidak melakukan yang tidak sopan dan tidak mencari keuntungan sendiri. Ia tidak pemarah dan tidak menyimpan kesalahan orang lain. Ia tidak bersukacita karena ketidakadilan, tetapi karena kebenaran. Ia menutupi segala sesuatu, percaya segala sesuatu, sabar menanggung segala sesuatu.

:: bhs indo nya lbh tepat. Kasih. klo love kan cinta ^^ ::

Around da world

Been reading travel-related article recently. And during lunch break today, I read an article about bicycling around the world. Imagine just how much fun it is! Pedalling around America and across four continents. They said it was a life changing trip. Like yeahh... of course! Four continents for four years and if you didn't feel it changed the way you think of yourself and the world, then you were out of your mind. Ow there were pics too. They took picture with some Kenya warriors, how cool is that?

Well, speaking of traveling, I do have my own dream. To taste a bit of freedom. Really want to know how it feels like to have your shoulder off burden. Free of any responsibility and I mean responsibility to myself, to my future. I don't care if it's only for a split second, a minute, an hour. I would certainly love to taste it. I'm planning my trip too. But haven't really decided which one to go for. Ehm, plan number one: spend a whole month in either Ireland or New Zealand alone *haven't made up my mind on the country yet* Um well yeah not completely on my own though, it would be boring like hell, don't you think? So maybe I would be enjoying solitude for 1 or 2 weeks and I'd have my mom accompany me. Sounds fun. Aimlessly wandering around the neighborhood to discover small, antique, local shops not written on the travel guidebook. To live freely.

*too good to be true?*

Ok, here's plan number two. Take a cruise with mom, dad and my brother. I really miss them and the thought of taking vacation with my family is one thing that keeps my soul from withering away. So I'm torn between the two options. But I must say it is wiser to go with my family hoho

Yosshh... above all, I will propose these plans to God *wink wink* Made mistake before for placing Him in my number two. I've paid the price or rather, still paying... *don't know*
This time, I'll make sure He's in charge of everything even the smallest things in my life ^^

Ciao... Eva's off to sleep
goodnight everyone

Lucky girl

I have my ups and downs in my faith. It is part of the process *it is best not to have it go down tho* but hey, I'm a human! As a human, you're expected to be wrong -> another excuse, pardon me ^^
But through it all, I can see God's grace and I know that I'm loved, so much loved by Him. Why? Well, you lose your faith and you regain it, over and over again. Isn't it enough proof that God loves you so much He cannot bear losing you? He puts that love back in your heart so you are able to love Him again. See? I'm so damn lucky. He is so good. Always speaks to me through my friends and family. They give me strength and will always do, I believe. So here I am, in this part of my life that I call "Lesson". Watched Pursuit of Happiness yet? *great movie* I wanna name chapters in my life too, sounds fun! Why Lesson? It is obvious. I have something inside that needs to be changed so I can bear lots of sweet fruits. God's own way in making me spark like a diamond. Stone�'s process of being a real diamond is tough. It has to be pressed real hard, but see d result. It is worth it. Perhaps, in the middle of the process, the stone asks God, "I don't wanna be a diamond, I just wanna live according to my will so I don't feel pain." *exactly what I feel right now, grin* But the stone knows, if it doesn't want to be processed, to be taught a lesson, it's going to be a mere stone, indistinguishable. So, I have to keep on fighting. Coz I do love diamonds *khukhukhu* Want my soul to be like one. But geez, toughest moment in my life.

To be like a river flowing

from: www.warriorofthelight.com

“A river never passes the same place twice,” says a philosopher. “Life is like a river,” says another philosopher, and we draw the conclusion that this is the metaphor that comes closest to the meaning of life. Consequently, it is always good to remember during all the year to come:
A] We are always doing things for the first time. While we move between our source (birth) to our destination (death), the landscape will always be new. We should face these novelties with joy, not with fear – because it is useless to fear what cannot be avoided. A river never stops running.
B] In a valley we walk slower. When everything around us becomes easier, the waters grow calm, we become more open, fuller and more generous.
C] Our banks are always fertile. Vegetation only grows where there is water. Whoever comes into contact with us needs to understand that we are there to give the thirsty something to drink.
D] Stones should be avoided. It is obvious that water is stronger than granite, but it takes time for this to happen. It is no good letting yourself be overcome by stronger obstacles, or trying to fight against them - that is a useless waste of energy. It is best to understand where the way out is, and then move forward.
E] Hollows call for patience. All of a sudden the river enters a sort of hole and stops running as joyfully as before. At such moments the only way out is to count on the help of time. When the right moment comes the hollow fills up and the water can flow ahead. In the place of the ugly, lifeless hole there now stands a lake that others can contemplate with joy.
F] We are one. We were born in a place that was meant for us, which will always keep us supplied with enough water so that when confronted with obstacles or depression we have the necessary patience or strength to move forward. We begin our course in a soft and fragile manner, where even a simple leaf can stop us. Nevertheless, as we respect the mystery of the source that gave us life, and trust in His eternal wisdom, little by little we gain all that we need to pursue our path.
G] Although we are one, soon we shall be many. As we travel on, the waters of other springs come closer, because that is the best path to follow. Then we are no longer just one, but many – and there comes a moment when we feel lost. However, as the Bible says, “all rivers flow to the sea.” It is impossible to remain in our solitude, no matter how romantic that may seem. When we accept the inevitable encounter with other springs, we eventually understand that this makes us much stronger, we get around obstacles or fill in the hollows in far less time and with greater ease.
H] We are a means of transportation. Of leaves, boats, ideas. May our waters always be generous, may be always be able to carry ahead everything or everyone that needs our help.
I] We are a source of inspiration. And so, let us leave the final words to the Brazilian poet, Manuel Bandeira:
“To be like a river that flows
silent through the night,
not fearing the darkness and
reflecting any stars high in the sky.

And if the sky is filled with clouds,
the clouds are water like the river, so
without remorse reflect them too
in the calm deep.”

another storm the eagle encountered

has it ever occurred to you that any achievement you once thought of as your greatest blessing, turned out to be a curse? ok, a word 'curse' maybe a little harsh. But, u got the idea? i mean, now you have contempt for something that you cherished maybe just a while ago. that's exactly what i'm feeling right now. wish i could turn back the time, and not to choose a road i've taken. maybe, just maybe, if i turned a different direction, i might not get hurt. But then, if i hadn't taken that same road, i wouldn't have tasted the sole happiness that once was mine. Is it worth it? i still dont know the answer. i cherished it but at the same time i despised it with all my heart.

Fireworks

It's already summer and talking 'bout summer festival in japan means no other than fireworks festival!! yatta~~ finally i'm about to see the 'real' fireworks, not some 'cupu' things back in indonesia *no thanks* ^^ so tomorrow me and the other fullcast members are going to Asakusa, well, the asakusa itself has an ancient kind of atmosphere, so actually it'll look amazing with all the fireworks' blaze....that's what i think though hehe we'll see tomorrow...

ow i've read the latest and final book of Harry Potter btw, it's kinda sad...FINAL BOOK means NO MORE HARRY POTTER!! i want moorreeee~~ *teehee* this is maybe a lil hint for those who haven't yet read the book, but i REALLY DO want to say this to my friend diana: "Heeeyy, see....my fave professor really did his things right, fair and square, period ^^ i chose no wrong person as an idol hahaha and i do expect to be in slytherin"

i'm here in japan!!!

well it's a bit late though, i've been here since last month, may 30 to be exact. Being in japan when you are about to turn 23 years old is something. It was a great birthday present but somehow being apart from those you love in indonesia was unbearable. i REALLY missed my frendz, family. i managed to make some new frendz though haha

<--- yosshh Tokyo Tower!!! having seen it upclose...my first impression...um sama ja kyk gw liat monas hahaha maybe it'll look better at night with all the lamps....maybe....

but you're not really in japan if you don't take a pic in tokyo tower u know khukhu *who made that rule?*

11 hours at mall...yeaah

man, that's what i call a perfect weekend hoho, well, it was tika's idea to watch midnite movie, and i suggested how about a day in mall? from 12 o'clock till midnite, and voila! an endless walking and shopping huehehe me and rosa bought a similar jacket *cute* and the body shop's "oceanus" perfume lured me into buying it ^^ well, in general it was fun, yeah hang out with your friends, could anything else be more fun than that??? BUT...somehow i felt guilty, i didn't even touch japanese text books that day. And home sick......geez it's getting worse day after day. I miss my family, wanna sleep on my own bed, in my own house, take a hot shower.......aargghhhh HOOOMMEEE

two tiring days, what a troublesome moment

All done! the pressure, the excitement...fiuh...it's all done, well actually, not the pressure though, it's still there ^^ how am i supposed to get rid of it? getting sick day after day. But somehow i feel that is the real pleasure, isn't it? ne, refering to the previous post, the harder the path, the more meaningful the goal would be, right? So, after taking the exam, i realized that i have sooo many things yet to be learned. And it taught me not to be full of myself but always seek knowledge more and more. If you were proud of yourself, it would be much much more painful the time when you fail.

Mr. Kawashita was right, the exam....sooo damn difficult!!! well at first i thought he said it a lot just to make us worry even more, but noooo...he was sooo right, either i didn't study hard enough or the questions were indeed too difficult to bear *weeeee another hiperbole* and the worst of all...he didn't announce the result!!! it's too much, but what else to say? he's the decision maker isn't he? and i believe it's for our own sake *well i'm still trying to believe that khukhu*

Okay, one more thing...and this is the most important of all!! i didn't have time before to post this before, but i met this person a few days ago...and the best thing is he's still the same as i used to know him >.<　he still has the same look *hey of course, did i expect him to have a plastic surgery??* huehehe but yeah...meeting him again was a blessing for me. God knows how i longed for that moment to come.

Life winding road

So far my life is such a roller coaster. When i thought everything would be run smooth, right on the schedule with no surprises on the way, well, i was wrong. My dream seems out of reach, ehm not really out of reach, but more to be able to touch a bit but unable to fully grasp it. I'm kinda sick of it, feeling the pressure ev'ry day, even a day slacking off feels weird. Now with the final day is drawing even nearer - ato isshuu kan (one more week!!) - I AM PANIC!!!

Maybe on a second chance sure i can pass the test, but....i really do want to nail it on the first go. Crossing finger....a lot of pray....

ps: ma, pa, miss u...

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

Constantine Cavafy

Taon baru yg ga jelas T.T

haaah ini post pertama (and maybe the last?) pake my mother tongue hehe okay, let's begin:
hmm...taon baru, pertama kalinya felt so miserable, really, not because i didn't like facing this year or what, cuman yah gitu, gara2nya......taon baru sendirian doank di kost, gileee!!! beneran, pertama kalinya in my whole life (and i pray to God, moga2 jadi yg terakhir kalinya) gw sendirian di malem taon baru. Biasanya kan pergi ke gereja, niup trompet, denger bunyi trompet, ngitung countdown bareng2 ma mama, papa, evan, mbak siti, popo di gereja trus abis tu pergi ke pantai ma temen2, minum2 bareng, seru aja, naaaaaaaaaah taon baru kali ini, buset daaaa amit2 pokoknya, sendirian gitu di kost, trus mending ngapain gitu kan, nah gue...belajar bahasa jepang, ngapalin kanji, miserable ga tuh? yaah denger bunyi trompet di tv bukannya seneng malah ngerasa sedih ga keruan, cobaaa ga pul jkt cepet2 kan bisa jalanin ritual taon baru ma beloved family together ya gaak?? tapi ya uda sih, gantinya bisa jalan2 ma tmn2 jg, tp sebelom taon baru itu mah, tgl 29 klo ga salah, ke resto nya anaknya sensei, makanannya enak2 lhoo, trus abis ke semanggi langsung ke rumah sensei, ngobrol2 ampe malem. naah tgl 2 nya jg diundang pesta taon baruan jg, di rumah temennya sensei. eeeeh hari ini yaa tgl 2 hoho iya gitu deee seneng hari ini, soalnya bisa ketemu japanese people selain para sensei hehehe mreka smua pada ramah2 (hmmmm tatemae kana ano hitotachi wa???) trus ada satu anaknya temennya sensei yg gaul abis hehehe seru aja gt ngomong ma dia. Tapi pas pertama masuk ke rumah tmnnya sensei, ngerasa kyk intruder, abis bayangin aja, smuanya org jepang naaah ini tau2 ber-13 org indo dateng, hiks uda pengen pulang aja tuh td. oyaaa makanan....td smua makanan jepang khusus buat taon baru, ada sake pula..oishiiiiii...demo, sukoshi dake sake o nonda kara, zannen da. motto motto nomitai naa.. ^^

apalagi yaa, oye...kemaren2 juga sempet nonton the curse of the golden flower ma evan, gileeeee itu jay chou...ga bisa lebih cakep lageee??? hohoho puas daku ^^ hhhh pengen nonton lagiii...harus beli dvdnya!!! --->> resolusi taon baru hihi

skrng pas nulis blog jd inget lenny, hihi abisnya lenny = blog seeh, tuh anak emang niat klo nulis blog, panjang2. hmm dari dulu pas dia uda wisuda mo photo2 bareng ga sempet2, waktunya ga match terus seeh, trus dia jg ngutang traktir pula, klo itu gw ga lupa hohoho yaaa mudah2an dee bisa ketemuan dalam tempo yg sesingkat2nya ^^

bsk mulai training lagi, tp yg kepikiran sih bukan bhs jepangnya tp komputernya, tuh project mo diapain yaaah hehe emang sih cuman tinggal 2 minggu lagi and no more IT training, BUT...tu project kan mesti dikelarin. naaaaah mo browsing tentang http itu malesnya ampe ke ubun2, bawaannya pengen buka webpagenya kanji lah ato fs lah pokoknya jauh dr http streaming hiks piye doonk?? tp...what friends are for??? huehehehe...

ja ne...

Walk on the aisle

A week ahead should be an exciting week for me. My friends and i are going to spend 5 nights in a hotel. but of course it is for training purpose, we still have to study huhuhu *THEY don't let us taste a bit of happiness, why oh whyyy??* but it's okay, i have my friends with me, and even in a midst of a "tense and killing aura" that emitted from learning japanese, we should
have fun together, right? Can't wait for next monday ^^

I'm watching frontal fashion right now, and it's talking about how to pick your own wedding dress that suits you perfectly. You know every girl always dreams about her wedding day, it's all about a perfect wedding cake, a song, romantic place, and finally a perfect husband-to-be, a groom. Like a wedding in a fairy tale. I used to talk
about this a lot with linda, tika and diana. I miss them huhuhu long time no see, have so much to talk about. Well back to the wedding thing. if i recall this, i always want to laugh, thanks to
diana khukhuku
Diana and I enrolled in cisco class, thus she said if i EVER married with someone in our class, ehm ~ the one who was in charge back then ~, she would be my wedding planner, and, oh my god,
what a horrible plan. She said she would make a wedding cake that looked like a router plus
a cisco logo on top of it also!!! And i would wear a gown made by thus ****in'
cable, hold a bouqet of -wait no, it's not a flower- ,
again..., cable!!!
"For a gift away souvenir, let's give the latest switches"
~~geez...
"And for an ice breaker, the guests can compete who is the
quickest in making a straight cable and roll over
cable!! Free cisco voucher for the winner!!!"
those're what she said also.
If there's a neighbour from hell then she is a wedding
planner from hell hoho *gomen ne*

amari jikan ga nai yoo

Finally it's time for IT project. it's begun!! and guess what...i have no idea what to do. okay maybe have to tell u a little about my project. Client and server for radio streaming!!! and..as if it wasn't difficult at all, it has to support wav, mp3, ogg. With japanese test from fullcast drawing nearer, you tell me how can i find extra time to do THE project!!! ahahaha i think i know what you're thinking right now "Heyy you FOUND the extra time to post this blog!?!" khuhkhukhu yeah it's different my dear friend *giggle*
but i wonder why it is always like this? i find it difficult to do something serious. AAaaa sooner or later i can finish the project for sure, but the question is when? wish there wasn't that goddamnit deadline!!*&%#@! whatever, que sera sera right?

oouuw last sunday i took the JF test in Dharma Persada Univ. The whole test....i don't know what to say, the listening part....yeah really have nothing to say.......the grammar, kanji, and vocab part.....umm no comment. Afterwards, i felt like my head would start to explode. Yeahhh....that briefly explains the "sunday event" ne?

Christmas wishes - The List

Christmas wishes:
1. You know what i want, don't You my Dear God?? *wink ^^*
2. My fam's happiness, the most important thing of all
3. aa...japanese...omg...yess...that's it, evveerryyy single night i pray for my hopeless japanese ability
4. experience the magic of Christmas itself
5. ...umm....eee...hmm...i'll add the rest later on