Posted right from da office

Today's da best day in office so far. There are only 6 of us, the rest are taking their day off including all my colleagues from the same group. Now that's the best part *tee hee* Um but I'm kinda lost. I've finished all tasks given to me days ago and now I have nothing to do. Despite that, I'm high spirited. Time's passing by slowly. And now I can put my mind to rest and just enjoy the cloudy sky. Yes, had an early shower this morning, and now the color of the sky is amazingly beautiful greyish-white. Calming. The sky after the rain is always beautiful.

During ordinary week days *by ordinary means approximately 23 people present ^^* I'm so low in spirit, my mind keeps working and no matter how beautiful the sky is I just can't appreciate it. It seems to me, the more beautiful the sky the sadder I would be. Lack of gratitude? Perhaps. But for me, this is the point where I don't like to be absorbed into my surrounding *eeh? what's the connection? haha* I want to lead my life with my own pace. If I want it fast, then I'll go fast, vice versa. It's the same with work. I'll finish my work before deadline, but let me do it my pace. I would love to have my hands full. Full enough so that no one can dictate and just give me freedom on what pace I should do my job. Depends on my mood hahaha as long as I have them finished before deadline it shouldn't be a problem, am I wrong?? hoho I'll slow down when I feel like it and I'll rush if my mood allows me too ^^. But I don't have that luxury here. Speaking of Japan, you would expect to be forced to finish any task fast. Well no! Not where I work. They keep giving me daily basis tasks. So I need to wait for them, in other words, I have to follow their pace. Hate it. *Ok, enough venting* I've promised days ago that I will not complain about my work again. Haha one last time.
...
We're going to church at Yotsuya. It's almost Easter.

*Day by day, it's easier although weekend is still a struggle*

saturday night

Had a small party, last Saturday until 2 o'clock in da morning, with inge, ellen, markus and dimas. We watched korean movie *no plot* ^^
I think I did well. Didn't screw up. Partly because I've reached the point where I practically feels nothing.

well yeah, it was fun. Hey see the pic! Ellen's new bed ^^

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Kasih itu sabar; kasih itu murah hati; ia tidak cemburu. Ia tidak memegahkan diri dan tidak sombong. Ia tidak melakukan yang tidak sopan dan tidak mencari keuntungan sendiri. Ia tidak pemarah dan tidak menyimpan kesalahan orang lain. Ia tidak bersukacita karena ketidakadilan, tetapi karena kebenaran. Ia menutupi segala sesuatu, percaya segala sesuatu, sabar menanggung segala sesuatu.

:: bhs indo nya lbh tepat. Kasih. klo love kan cinta ^^ ::

Around da world

Been reading travel-related article recently. And during lunch break today, I read an article about bicycling around the world. Imagine just how much fun it is! Pedalling around America and across four continents. They said it was a life changing trip. Like yeahh... of course! Four continents for four years and if you didn't feel it changed the way you think of yourself and the world, then you were out of your mind. Ow there were pics too. They took picture with some Kenya warriors, how cool is that?

Well, speaking of traveling, I do have my own dream. To taste a bit of freedom. Really want to know how it feels like to have your shoulder off burden. Free of any responsibility and I mean responsibility to myself, to my future. I don't care if it's only for a split second, a minute, an hour. I would certainly love to taste it. I'm planning my trip too. But haven't really decided which one to go for. Ehm, plan number one: spend a whole month in either Ireland or New Zealand alone *haven't made up my mind on the country yet* Um well yeah not completely on my own though, it would be boring like hell, don't you think? So maybe I would be enjoying solitude for 1 or 2 weeks and I'd have my mom accompany me. Sounds fun. Aimlessly wandering around the neighborhood to discover small, antique, local shops not written on the travel guidebook. To live freely.

*too good to be true?*

Ok, here's plan number two. Take a cruise with mom, dad and my brother. I really miss them and the thought of taking vacation with my family is one thing that keeps my soul from withering away. So I'm torn between the two options. But I must say it is wiser to go with my family hoho

Yosshh... above all, I will propose these plans to God *wink wink* Made mistake before for placing Him in my number two. I've paid the price or rather, still paying... *don't know*
This time, I'll make sure He's in charge of everything even the smallest things in my life ^^

Ciao... Eva's off to sleep
goodnight everyone

Lucky girl

I have my ups and downs in my faith. It is part of the process *it is best not to have it go down tho* but hey, I'm a human! As a human, you're expected to be wrong -> another excuse, pardon me ^^
But through it all, I can see God's grace and I know that I'm loved, so much loved by Him. Why? Well, you lose your faith and you regain it, over and over again. Isn't it enough proof that God loves you so much He cannot bear losing you? He puts that love back in your heart so you are able to love Him again. See? I'm so damn lucky. He is so good. Always speaks to me through my friends and family. They give me strength and will always do, I believe. So here I am, in this part of my life that I call "Lesson". Watched Pursuit of Happiness yet? *great movie* I wanna name chapters in my life too, sounds fun! Why Lesson? It is obvious. I have something inside that needs to be changed so I can bear lots of sweet fruits. God's own way in making me spark like a diamond. Stone�'s process of being a real diamond is tough. It has to be pressed real hard, but see d result. It is worth it. Perhaps, in the middle of the process, the stone asks God, "I don't wanna be a diamond, I just wanna live according to my will so I don't feel pain." *exactly what I feel right now, grin* But the stone knows, if it doesn't want to be processed, to be taught a lesson, it's going to be a mere stone, indistinguishable. So, I have to keep on fighting. Coz I do love diamonds *khukhukhu* Want my soul to be like one. But geez, toughest moment in my life.

To be like a river flowing

from: www.warriorofthelight.com

“A river never passes the same place twice,” says a philosopher. “Life is like a river,” says another philosopher, and we draw the conclusion that this is the metaphor that comes closest to the meaning of life. Consequently, it is always good to remember during all the year to come:
A] We are always doing things for the first time. While we move between our source (birth) to our destination (death), the landscape will always be new. We should face these novelties with joy, not with fear – because it is useless to fear what cannot be avoided. A river never stops running.
B] In a valley we walk slower. When everything around us becomes easier, the waters grow calm, we become more open, fuller and more generous.
C] Our banks are always fertile. Vegetation only grows where there is water. Whoever comes into contact with us needs to understand that we are there to give the thirsty something to drink.
D] Stones should be avoided. It is obvious that water is stronger than granite, but it takes time for this to happen. It is no good letting yourself be overcome by stronger obstacles, or trying to fight against them - that is a useless waste of energy. It is best to understand where the way out is, and then move forward.
E] Hollows call for patience. All of a sudden the river enters a sort of hole and stops running as joyfully as before. At such moments the only way out is to count on the help of time. When the right moment comes the hollow fills up and the water can flow ahead. In the place of the ugly, lifeless hole there now stands a lake that others can contemplate with joy.
F] We are one. We were born in a place that was meant for us, which will always keep us supplied with enough water so that when confronted with obstacles or depression we have the necessary patience or strength to move forward. We begin our course in a soft and fragile manner, where even a simple leaf can stop us. Nevertheless, as we respect the mystery of the source that gave us life, and trust in His eternal wisdom, little by little we gain all that we need to pursue our path.
G] Although we are one, soon we shall be many. As we travel on, the waters of other springs come closer, because that is the best path to follow. Then we are no longer just one, but many – and there comes a moment when we feel lost. However, as the Bible says, “all rivers flow to the sea.” It is impossible to remain in our solitude, no matter how romantic that may seem. When we accept the inevitable encounter with other springs, we eventually understand that this makes us much stronger, we get around obstacles or fill in the hollows in far less time and with greater ease.
H] We are a means of transportation. Of leaves, boats, ideas. May our waters always be generous, may be always be able to carry ahead everything or everyone that needs our help.
I] We are a source of inspiration. And so, let us leave the final words to the Brazilian poet, Manuel Bandeira:
“To be like a river that flows
silent through the night,
not fearing the darkness and
reflecting any stars high in the sky.

And if the sky is filled with clouds,
the clouds are water like the river, so
without remorse reflect them too
in the calm deep.”