Saturday, December 09, 2006

Walk on the aisle

A week ahead should be an exciting week for me. My friends and i are going to spend 5 nights in a hotel. but of course it is for training purpose, we still have to study huhuhu *THEY don't let us taste a bit of happiness, why oh whyyy??* but it's okay, i have my friends with me, and even in a midst of a "tense and killing aura" that emitted from learning japanese, we should
have fun together, right? Can't wait for next monday ^^

I'm watching frontal fashion right now, and it's talking about how to pick your own wedding dress that suits you perfectly. You know every girl always dreams about her wedding day, it's all about a perfect wedding cake, a song, romantic place, and finally a perfect husband-to-be, a groom. Like a wedding in a fairy tale. I used to talk
about this a lot with linda, tika and diana. I miss them huhuhu long time no see, have so much to talk about. Well back to the wedding thing. if i recall this, i always want to laugh, thanks to
diana khukhuku
Diana and I enrolled in cisco class, thus she said if i EVER married with someone in our class, ehm ~ the one who was in charge back then ~, she would be my wedding planner, and, oh my god,
what a horrible plan. She said she would make a wedding cake that looked like a router plus
a cisco logo on top of it also!!! And i would wear a gown made by thus ****in'
cable, hold a bouqet of -wait no, it's not a flower- ,
again..., cable!!!
"For a gift away souvenir, let's give the latest switches"
~~geez...
"And for an ice breaker, the guests can compete who is the
quickest in making a straight cable and roll over

cable!! Free cisco voucher for the winner!!!"
those're what she said also.
If there's a neighbour from hell then she is a wedding
planner from hell hoho *gomen ne*

Monday, December 04, 2006

amari jikan ga nai yoo

Finally it's time for IT project. it's begun!! and guess what...i have no idea what to do. okay maybe have to tell u a little about my project. Client and server for radio streaming!!! and..as if it wasn't difficult at all, it has to support wav, mp3, ogg. With japanese test from fullcast drawing nearer, you tell me how can i find extra time to do THE project!!! ahahaha i think i know what you're thinking right now "Heyy you FOUND the extra time to post this blog!?!" khuhkhukhu yeah it's different my dear friend *giggle*
but i wonder why it is always like this? i find it difficult to do something serious. AAaaa sooner or later i can finish the project for sure, but the question is when? wish there wasn't that goddamnit deadline!!*&%#@! whatever, que sera sera right?

oouuw last sunday i took the JF test in Dharma Persada Univ. The whole test....i don't know what to say, the listening part....yeah really have nothing to say.......the grammar, kanji, and vocab part.....umm no comment. Afterwards, i felt like my head would start to explode. Yeahhh....that briefly explains the "sunday event" ne?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Christmas wishes - The List

Christmas wishes:
1. You know what i want, don't You my Dear God?? *wink ^^*
2. My fam's happiness, the most important thing of all
3. aa...japanese...omg...yess...that's it, evveerryyy single night i pray for my hopeless japanese ability
4. experience the magic of Christmas itself
5. ...umm....eee...hmm...i'll add the rest later on

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Marley and Me

WoW...this is really me!! *giggle* Behold!! A new hilarious, touching, unbelievable yet still on earth story is launched for every dog lovers in d world. Marley and Me, Life and love with the worst dog in the world. Yess....this is a very story about a pure Labrador Retriever named Marley *when we still on it, can u guess whom Marley dog was named after? It was no other than Bob Marley!!* Marley is a hyperactive dog. just exactly the same with what i have back at home hoho, that cute lil beast ^^ You know, what makes this book great? the story is ain't so sweet, i mean not like those stories about dogs that are just soooo sweet like those J.CO's things ;p well, i didn't say that i against those sweet stories of dog, hell no, i love everything about dogs, just name it. May it be cute lil cihuahua to a remarkable, composed, handsome Golden Retriever to even "Kampoeng" dog, i love them all. Million thanks to God, I give you my praises for creating such a wonderful creature of all ~fufufu~ But, those stories *eventhough they're real stories* seemed like a fairy tale, you know, like a cinderella kind of things. Yet, i like reading those though, no matter how sweet they are, if it's about dog, bring it on!!

Okay, back to the book, like i said, this book offers two sides of a dog. Marley was a naughty, attention demanding dog. When i say attention demanding, i mean REALLY demanding. It even said in the book that Marley had some kind of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Geez, the name couldn't be cooler than that hahaha he was also very destructive. What do you expect from a hyper dog anyway?? a composed and charming dog that curls beside you in a bed?? Hell no, dream on people ^^ He was comical and responsive, and...very eager *all the time, except when he slept* His sense of obedience was almost zero. Marley attended an obedience class, and only 2 times attended that class, Marley was kicked out of class. A part when Marley, John and Jenny (his owner) joined the class is very funny i couldn't stop laughing. I laughed from the bottom of my heart hi3 it must have been like a hundred years before, the last time i laughed real hard by just reading a book. But Marley had a pure heart, he was so loving in his own way. This what makes this book sparkling. Every creature has them, right? those two sides, good and bad. This story offers us those, not always the good and sweet side. In life, you got them as a whole, one packet. Eehhm...but not that creature...snake, SNAKE AND ITS FAMILY, they don't have any, for God's sake, THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD POINT!!! snake is bad, evil creature on its own, THEY'RE BAD i'm telling you #my heart is thumping real fast now, this is how strong IT affects me# dog....cute dog....dog....okay, i managed to pull myself together ^^v back to Marley. I haven't finished reading the book yet, but by scanning the last pages, i knew that Marley was already back to Father in Heaven. On the back of the front cover, there are pictures of Marley posing cutely when he was still a puppy. On the back cover, pictures of Marley in his old days.

Reading the first 2 chapters, somehow, strangely i reminded of my lil beast at home. He is...say, a little out of his mind. He has no obedience at all, if Marley had it zero, then mine is minus 100. We can't control him at all. He can run everywhere with no sense of direction, i guess there's a program inside his damaged brain that always produces a random direction for him to follow. He doesn't obey what i say, driving me crazy. I love him, really. Even with his twisted brain, i do love him. I picked him from a bunch of puppies, he looked at me and i fell in love. But it's tiring, sucking your energy out of you. I never had a dog like him before. There were dogs with different personalities I had. Even the naughtiest one obeyed me. And now, here you are, a beast in the form of dog with a damaged brain unlike any other in the world!! But now, reading the story about Marley, i really want to give myself a second chance to see the beauty of my own dog. Yeah some sort of letting him to prove himself that he's worthy to be a part of my family. I know i said this a lot before, but...this time, i do mean it, i miss him.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Don't crack under pressure (well...i'm trying)

Minna...hisashiburi desu ne, i'm back hoho..yeaa it's b'cause those piles of homeworks i got, a lot of stuff to do. Geez, those teachers don't give us space for "self-entertainment" things. And more to that, computer lesson is much more complex every day. I feel like my head will blow up sooner or later *sigh* OOooouuuw give tomorrow's event as an example. 11 o'clock tomorrow, i'll have a tele-conference session. AaaArrgh give me a break plzzz... what am i suppose to say, and...more important than that, how do i suppose to understand what they're saying in japanese?!!!!? i only have 5-months-of-hardwork-and-blood-shed grammar, for god's sake!!!

************100%
taking the stress out has been executed successfully!

ohohoho even as difficult as it seems, i know i just can't give up that easily..who do you think I am?! fufufu about tomorrow, i'll certainly give it all. I recall what my friends said the first time those japanese people came to interview us. Almost all of them said: "if we didn't know what those interviewers asked, just said the magic words: "mou ichido, sumimasen"". huahaha those are indeed magic words. But, yesterday when we first heard about tomorrow's tele-conference, i didn't hear, even once, they offered that excuse again. Why? well myself, i personally think we have enough grammars to begin with, okay...maybe not enough grammar to have a high quality conversation, but it is still okay though. Um i hope everything goes well *crossing finger ^^*

Apart from that, i'll go to Bali tomorrow!! yaayyy...ureshii yo. Can't wait to see my mom and dad, also my lil puppy that is not so "puppy" anymore huehehe he turned into a beast already, can u believe it? Soooo damn naughty, and so....big. I was speechless the last time i saw him. But, his fur is thicker..whee i wanna kiss him huehehe..wait for me honey ^^

Friday, September 15, 2006

dizzy

 finally... after been through all tests and interview, i can sleep well tonight ^^ and guess what, the tests were, ehm DIFFICULT!!!! geez i wish i studied harder before. About the interview, it was even worse ~huehehe~ it's hard to understand what japanese people say. *mada mada dame desu*

can't think anymore, time to sleep

Thursday, August 17, 2006

notitle

I'm spending 5-days-holiday in jakarta....nooo....T.T all flights to bali are fully booked, geez annoying. But it's okay, able to use the ticket money for shopping hehe...tomorrow dvd hunting day!! it's been so long since the last time i watched the recent movie ^^ well, that and studying for a big test are my only activities for holiday. Actually i'm a lil bit pissed, i've arranged to meet my old friend in bali and hang out ~the last time i saw her was in high school graduation party at Jimbaran~ man, time really goes by fast. Since she's studying in China, it's not easy to meet, always either the unsynchronized holiday schedule or things like this, have no ticket to bali hiks maybe another time. And one thing to add my disappointment, my mom said that today my fam and my church community in bali spent a night together in somewhere cool **this is my mom's way to tease me --> somewhere cool!!!!**  

lately also i rarely saw my friends in college, maybe they've got jobs already, buuut somehow i want to turn back the time just to skip morning classes huehehe

Saturday, August 12, 2006

tired n sleepy

 After spent a night in Puncak, all i got is...bruise...well it was fun though, spent time with friends, buuuut....sooo tired, and not all teachers could go with us. Hhhh can't wait to go to sleep, ja ne

Monday, August 07, 2006

A sweet lesson from up above

I just read my friend's blog and suddenly i was awaken!! She wrote something about how she had been provided with all the best. And i don't know...when i read that, somehow I miss my Lord a lot. Lately, i've been away from Him although i know He's been by my side all the time, but i spent less time with Him and tried to solve things with my own effort alone. If nothing went according to my will, i was depressed and yes, nothing good came out of it, nothing was solved, no peace at all. Finally i knew why i acted so selfishly and had a very short temper lately ~huehe2~ ^^ if you're trying to do things on your own and putting Him aside, hmm....i have no doubt that you're gonna end up like me today, depressed and feel like the whole world is going against you ***well, it's a hiperbole again fufufu***
And right now, just a few minutes ago, He taught me with His own way,
how sweet, He indeed loves me sooo much. And suddenly, there's no cloud in my heart again ^^ even though i know, there's still that あほ (forgive me Lord).

===================================

>>>^0^ <<<
life is again, like a box of chocolate, you'll eventually pick the bitter one



Saturday, August 05, 2006

Something that bothers me lately

After finished reading The Alchemist, i started to think about my own dream, what i desire the most. Well, it's not like i didn't have any dreams before reading that book, but it keeps coming to my mind that what i'm doing right now is faaar...far away from what i yearn for. Let me make this clear, i said that not because i hate my current situation, in fact, i'm sooo damn happy and grateful for what He has given me so far, and indeed, they're beyond even my wildest dreams. See, that's what makes me think. What i have now...i wouldn't exchange it with anything else ever, but....to tell da truth, not what i really enjoy doing it. See..see...how disturbing. And one more question, how do you differentiate between dream (i.e. something you really want to do) and a hobby ~maybe not a hobby, but something you think you can do without getting bored until you die~? That's confusing............... ................ hah never mind, forget it, but u know what, i think someday i'll enter an art school, have my own studio, and open an exhibition huahahaha opened just for a limited audience, family only ^^ aaaaaah ばか ですね?

about my training, only one comment i can give, "It's getting tougher and tougher than ever before". I often find my hands full these days, there's a lot to study, i mean a looot. But everything's still running pretty well, nothing goes outside track yet.

Ow this 17 august, hope i can go home, miss my friends n family so much, and my lil sister huehehehe i have sooo many stories (read: curhat) to tell her. Well if my mom gives her "okay" word, then nothing can stop me from going back home ;o~

aaah my dearest puppy also, hang in there dear, i'll hug you pretty soon hoho

この blog を 書いてから、日本語を べんきょうします。 Halaaaaah what the hell!!!!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Très fatigué et très somnolent.....merde!!!


Maintenant, très somnolent....hhhh...je n'apprends pas encore!! En outre japanese, j'apprends informatique..huaaaa treees fatigué T.T En plus, demain, peut-être j'ai mon examine..merde!! bonne chance pour moi!! japanese lang, japanese lang grrrr la francais ou le japanese??? Naturellement, la français est mon préféré, très bien, jap lang est....non bon (mauvais), plus mauvais... hihihi .:: don't let Full Cast know 'bout this, i'll be banned from entering Japan, aa pardon pardon huahaha ::. Ça alors, c’est ça y est

** mon cher, bonne nuit ne?! **
.:ing hwa:.


Monday, July 03, 2006

the story behind the oil painting


i made this in september 2005. i would give this to someone important to me.

haah it reminds me of my mom *lol* can u believe it? she always asks the same question: "have you told him?" Hahahaha that's my mom ^^;
On my graduation day, she said out loud: "where is he?" OMG....huehehe i was freaking out. Sooo...what's with the pic anyway? well...when i made the painting, i kept thinking about my early days in college. Finally, i decided to add 4 persons on the painting ~did you notice?~ ^^ hmm...they're depicting my dream, those persons. My future kids, future husband (hopefully with a lot of "poundsterling" saving ** once again, to all my best frendz, u can crack the code fufufu**)...huahaha now when i recall that thought, i sounded sooo stupid back then. だいじょうぶですね? to record my own stupidity ^o^

btw, one of my habit...feel homesick then try to ease it a bit by looking at old photos...then...more homesick than ever hihi especially this one above, so i thought i wrote something about "the story behind the painting" ;0~

.::. for 私のともだち、がんばってね for ur thesis exam!!! .::.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

かわいい ですね

anoo....at first wanna try writing this post in japanese....buuut....due to my incapability ~huhu~ i think it is best not to embarassed myself ^^

haaah it's so weird...each time i look at this pic, somehow i just wanna go out shopping ~hieee...so dangerous~ luckily i have pseudocode task for tomorrow untouched yet. but stiiiill...i wish i could do a non stop shopping with an unlimited budget....geez life would be sooo beautiful **yeaah right ;o~ **




Sunday, June 18, 2006

inspiration-sama...don't leave my brain..

haah now when my painting mode's on, when finally got a rare inspiration......i have no brushes, OMG!! i left all my painting tools at home, hmph %$#@! what should i do....what should i do....*don't tell me to buy new ones, no way*
so saad, it took me a long time to be in the mood to paint *sigh*

btw, tomorrow, my besuto furendo (huehehe "best friend" term a la japanese) will come to jkt, yay!! mizz her soooo much. Well, it's only 3 months, but stiiiil, something's missing when she's not around.

cya~~

:: indulging my poor self in sorrow now ~~ o where art thou, my brushes, my dear eisel, my beloved pallette T.T ~~

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

huaa kakashi is sooo cool...


look..look...ahahhaha i always laugh whenever i see his eyes, so damn cute *such sleepy eyes* why did nobody force me to read naruto before??? huuuh...so i guess i'm a 'lil late here hehe...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Too strong for too long ..yup, it must be it

i thought it didn't matter anymore, but i was wrong, it still really matters now..after so many years..say.. 2 years and a half? * yeah i know it is ONLY 2 years, but heey...i should get an award for this, i'm sooo easily get bored, remember? huehehe *

geez time passed by so quickly and that thing still haunts me, can't let it go, or is it really me who don't want to let it pass? which one it is, it sucks. And to add pain to my misery even more, i don't know what the hell i should do to take a closure to this. Hhh i really want to know, i wanna put this to an end you know, but yeaah i guess it's too strong for too long and i never really did anything to get outta this. i dwelled in it, i enjoyed it eventhough it was all too painful * but a wonderful feeling though sigh...oh cut the crap!!! *

I'm so damn tired, hoping for too long with nothing even the smallest thing in my favor happened. Soooo...here's my resolution for today's month...JUST FORGET IT, AMEEN!!!

Sunday, April 30, 2006

yeaah..going back home *again*

hhh i'm kinda losing some knacks to write blog nowadays, YEAH..it really comes to me... AGAIN!!! can somebody just tell me how to overcome this boredom by nature????? to tell u da truth, i write today coz i'm so damn happy to go back to bali...yup, to my lovely hometown, aaaand to the love of my life....my puppy.....but i can't stay longer than wat i'm expecting, have that training program to do....

okay then....cya...


** i just realized, i used "..." a lot huh? **

Thursday, April 27, 2006

God is soooo good

fiuuuh after been through so many sleepless nights started in 18 April, finally....finally....i got a job...in Japan!!! hoho i'm soo eager to work there, never thought i'd really go to Japan to work ^o^

but to wait for the result to come out was another thing. Yesterday was the most miserable night ever!! after being interviewed by 3 japanese people i could hardly wait for the result...so i ended up thinking back about my interview and how i thought i'd made a mistake here and there...and woke up every one hour!!!!! geez...and at 7.30 in the morning, i got a very very good news ho3 but before i can work there, i'll be in a training program for 7 months...*grin*

actually i wanted to post something about this, yeah you know, kind of a progress report each day the selection tests were held, buuut no no...big risks *tehehe*

** miz u dear puppy **
** wait for me this sunday okay, i'll hug u pretty soon huehehe **

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Look!! How cute he is ^o^

This pic was taken after he ate. He looks like a pig ^^

lot of gifts ^^


wanna inform u, March 5 2006, i was falling in love at d first sight. He's so cute, adoreable, loveable. Let me introduce u with my brand new puppy!!!!! he's 4 months old and loves to sleep a lot. Aaarrgh mizz him badly ^^ can't wait to go home. wanna kiss him ehehe
...........................
...........................
i forget what to say, hhh...i'm a lil bit sick today, i've been sick for about 3 days and i'm not getting better. perhaps this is b'coz of my holiday. well my mom took me with her for a week trip. It was a hell lot of fun but the last day....a hectic day. And..as a result, i'm flu, having a cough, fever...geez!! but it's worth it he3 ^^ now it is time to set my priorities in life. i'm kind of lost, so many things that have to be done in a short time. Toefl test, ccna test, scholarship hunting, job hunting...huuh headache!!


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Voila...

hhh...i've done a lot of thinking just to decide whether i should say something like this in blog *sigh* what a tough decision.

okay, to begin with, i wanna say thanks to my friend whom i've known since my first day at college. at first, i want to say this in person, but i'd better not. so, i hope my friend read this blog.

*start...*

Cher, mon ami, ca va??
C'est un secret actually, but i think it's okay to tell hehehe ce n'est pas un secret anymore.
Well, merci. if it wasn't b'coz of u, i wouldn't bother to give all my best. Tu es magnifique! tu es merveilleux, u r able to place urself higher, and to exceed my expectation. BIEN FAIT!!. Je t'adore.


So once again, merci bien, to be one step ahead me *grr...at this point i should get angry, shouldn't i? u're ALWAYS one step ahead!!* ooow btw, i'm glad we made it at d same time *fiuh..* You have no idea how glad i was, that i managed to hold my pride. The night before, i was worried to death , my whole life were at stake u know!! Thankfully, ev'rything ended well hoho ^^

Amities..

*end..*

yesss!! i'm goin' home tomorrow, but i haven't packed anything yet. Cut me some slack ;p

:: busy...busy...packing clothes ^^

Thursday, February 16, 2006

i have my title now!!!

hoi hoi i nailed it!! ~thanks God~ i got through that horrible day ever #thesis exam# really..i don't wanna have that experience ever again!! horrifying u know!! ehhehe but at the end i did it. well, for my frendz who are still waiting for the schedule, jia you!! keep fighting!! and keep ur faith n hope in Him, n ev'rything shall be okay.

oouu huehehe look at that pic. what do u think?? is it bad?? umm that's my latest painting. u can't see the signature, can u?? aaah too bad!!

well, to finish it, i got some help of course from my art teacher. i did that painting in December, n why orchid? coz my dad reeeaaaally likes orchid. it's always a great pleasure to paint something for some1 u love the most. btw, can u tell that it's orchid? my mom thought it was butterfly *sigh*

Thursday, February 09, 2006

This 15?? oh no

yesterday my friend told me it was this 15. my thesis exam schedule! kind of shock, bcoz i haven't prepared anything whatsoever.
......... (speechless)
study study and study hard
..................

Monday, February 06, 2006

don't mess around!

how is it possible for him to be such a pain in d a**? ~sorry ^^~ i just don't get it. grrrr made me feel angry, disappointed, and embarassed - the whole package, everybody!! - in one brief moment!! i don't know what that cold blooded brat wants from me!! hmmph...wanna throw something *ups..no* okay...just as my best friend always says...be patient...take a deep breath...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

ehm..ehm..nothing in particular

just read my friend's blog and she has that lil shoutbox at d bottom right *take a look at mine!!* yeah i saw my friend's and i wanted one in my blog..so i signed up and got one. Now, say what's on ur mind my friends, add somethin' there huehehe ^^

aside of that, i had a date with IPv6 book yesterday...*sigh* i'm getting sick of IPv6, but what option do i have? i have to make a "good relationship" with IPv6 so that i can get my title right away hiks T.T jia you 4 myself *grin*

::desperate for strawberry ice cream right now..yummy::

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Snowy was hit by a car!!!

Snowy is a dog, in case u r wondering who on earth Snowy is ^^ well ehm..he's my dog unofficially. This is a heartbreaking story about snowy and how he ended up become my dog.

Two weeks before i came home to Bali, snowy...half dead, struggling to extend his life a second longer. At that day, he was probably only 4 months old. He had no fur ~pardon me for this cruel reality~ covered his skin at that time. He walked toward front door with all strength left in his fragile body. Okay...so far u might think i make it sounds a big deal..u know, exaggerate the whole thing?! yes i am....wait, no, kidding!! i'm telling u the truth ;p okay, i'll give u time to weep ^o^...................now, story continues. My fam - felt sorry about his condition - gave him food. That night, snowy slept in front of our door. The next day, and the day after, and the day after that until now, snowy always standby in front of our door, sometimes looking at us through a glass door. We give him food twice a day. He's like a dog given to us (although not really ours, actually. He sleeps outside!!). Snowy came to my house two weeks before Christmas, that's why we think that snowy is a dog sent by God (don't laugh at that ^^)

Buut...recently, mom called me, snowy was hit by a car, and is having a broken bone. He was crying all day, they said. i wanna go home, to see snowy T.T so...my frendz, i need your full support of prayers, please pray together that my snowy will be just okay and recover soon and go back to give joy to everyone who knows and sees him ^^

Thursday, February 02, 2006

CB exam ~sleepy~

so sleepy right now so in order to keep my eyes open a bit longer, i decided to write today's blog ^^ hhhh at 10 o'clock this morning will be held what so called "a no brainer" exam hehe yep it's character building. Yet i'm reading the whole book....yes, i read it, heey it's important to know what page to look for ^^ but i almost can't stand it anymore..my bed and pillows are calling me...longing to sleep soo much and i still have 167 pages to go...bloodyhell!! ~ sorry ;p ~
ups one more thing that actually makes me stay awake....i'm so damn happy hoho, yesterday, "poundsterling talked to euro" ~giggle~ well yeah, to my friendz out there, u can crack the code rite??? ^^ huaa life is indeed a box of chocolate ^^

grrr...back to boring book again, damn, 167 pages? kyaa time to go, ciao..

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

In waiting and finally got the answer

Okay..a year has gone by, my thesis is done ~fiuuh~ after 5 months of nightmare, misery, and bloodshed. Really, i hate those days, i couldn't sleep well without first thinking about my thesis...the worst bedtime story ever!!! yuck!! but, it's over now...and the misery is replaced with another misery. I'm so sick of waiting for thesis schedule. We handed the soft covers in at 23 jan, and until now, i haven't heard of the schedule yet while my friends one by one has already got their title, geez...i envy them. Well...it's not like i'll get the title for sure, but i'm so panic that at the end, i'm the only one left behind (have to start over at next semester). ouh nooo...i can't even think about it.

Umm but...my other problem has been solved just recently...out of nowhere!!! just pure luck. Thank God, i believe He laid His hand on my problem ~grin~ have u ever heard this phrase: just listen to your inner heart. I didn't exactly follow that, although i'm perfectly agree with that phrase. Well, you don't blame me, if the matter is about love...~grin...again~ yep, at first, i ignored those little stones i felt about him, some things that didn't fit me but i forced to put them aside and prefer to be in love. Just a few minutes ago, i finally realized it...that he is actually mr. maybe, not the right one for me. Yeah it hit me hard at first, but in a split second i realized i was such a lucky girl. I am. Being able to know the truth before hand is lucky...and a miracle in my part. So...follow the golden rule, no matter what, just listen to your inner heart and you'll be okay.

::unhappy yet grateful mode on::